I wish everyday could be like today.

I woke up groggy and from a dead sleep, which has been happening since the diet. Lack of calories certainly can make a person tired. The entire day, though, I didn't lack energy. I wasn't hungry. I wasn't depressed or missing food. 


Got a manicure/pedicure and saw my Psychologist. I am not in therapy, but I went in to get some testing done. I definitely have A.D.D. symptoms and wanted to figure out what's going on in my brain. The A.D.D. is a possibility and I will be seeing a Psychiatrist or my M.D. about it, but I made certain to ask him about my food problems. I told him I've had some serious bouts of depression lately. Is it the drug (food) that I'm missing? Or was food masking the symptoms of whatever else was going on in my brain. Of course he couldn't give me an answer to solve my problems, but he told me to focus on the things I can do instead of the things I can't. Focus on the pounds lost or getting involved in activities that I'd enjoy. Distract, distract, distract. 


A friend and I walked over to the new mall in Santa Monica that's just a few blocks away from my house. I assured him it's okay to eat in front of me and we sat in the food court while he ate Persian food and I munched on my Control Bar. While Persian is one of my favorite foods, there was no temptation. No misery. "C'est la vie." It is what it is. 


I can't say that this diet is easy. What do I do now that I'm not spending all of my time and money to procure a tasty snack? I'm going to have to think of some new hobbies. Ones that involve physical activity (despite my deep hatred of such things) would be ideal. 


Yesterday, I didn't even have the energy to put on makeup or go anywhere. I couldn't even convince myself to go to Starbucks for an iced coffee and a good journaling session. I napped for a few hours, just for lack of energy. Today on the other hand, I felt good. The thing we have to remember is that there are ups and there are downs. After it's hard, it will get easier. 


One of the things the Psychologist told me in his diagnoses of my personality is that I give up on things easily. Funny enough, I've yet to be close to quitting this program. I am thankful for my resolve to get this weight off again. 

One week.

I like my OptiFast in red cups. It's like a party 5 times a day. 

First weigh in: 


I went to the doctor's office yesterday to pick up more OptiFast and to get weighed. I expected around a 3 pound loss. Instead, it was -8. The scale scans your body and does a print out of your fat mass, lean body mass, and water. I was -7 lbs in the water department and -1.4 lbs in fat. They told me that water = muscle. Losing muscle seems counterproductive, but they assured me it's normal.


Of course I took to Google to find the answers and the things I found were that low calorie diets, low carb diets, low protein, and no resistance training can all lead to muscle loss. I have all of that going for me. The doctor's assistant told me they'd see where I was at next week, and if the muscle loss continues, my diet will be modified. 


On one hand, I'm totally happy to have seen the results. My previous diet attempts gave me no progress at all. I thought something was wrong with me, that I could never lose weight, and I'd have to live with this extra 50 lbs forever. Now I have more hope that that isn't the case. 


The day before I went in for my update, I was experiencing some pretty bad depression. I wanted to quit the diet because I missed food. I wasn't on the verge of binging or eating something off the diet or even an extra bar or shake. I wasn't even craving anything in particular. I just missed food. 


It made me think a lot about food addiction and just how strong it can be. I know I need to stick to the diet. I knew it was working, I just missed food. Food was my friend. I figured that alcoholics and drug addicts must have the same feelings. Funny enough, I'm in a better place than they are. In a few months, I will be eating again. Hell, in 3 weeks I'll be having a weekend vacation where I'll be off the program. It's not like I will never eat again. Unlike drug addicts or boozehounds, I don't have to give up my drug entirely. 


It's still a struggle. I'm low energy today, not feeling my best. On the bright side, I feel like I'm on the right track and that's a first in a very long time.