Heading into week two.

So far, so good... 
As of this posting, I'm 12 days on the program. Proud to say I haven't had a single morsel of real food in that time. Last night I had one extra shake after bike riding in the morning left me hungrier than usual. Pretty impressive, if I do say so myself. 


It is constantly getting easier. Doesn't mean I wish I couldn't eat. Doesn't mean I don't miss going out to dinner. I truly feel like I have a lot of extra time on my hands. Food was a big part of my life. I wasn't just your average fat person that overate. I read gourmet magazines, food blogs, I collect cookbooks, I love new restaurants, and I think the point of traveling is to eat new food. So, reading the blogs is a slight torment. I can't go and bake those new and improved blueberry muffins. I can't go out to the new restaurant to try their specialty. 


Despite the Optifast program being fairly pricey, I'm definitely saving money. Between going out to eat regularly and buying gourmet ingredients to make the latest and greatest recipe, this diet is economical. 


This doesn't mean I'm not around food. My friends still eat. There's no way I'd tell them to skip dinner just because I only eat bars and have shakes. I'd feel a little awkward sitting in a restaurant telling the server that I'll just be having an iced tea while my companions dine. So, we go to quick-serve restaurants where it's a little less obvious that I'm eating a Control Bar instead of a slice of pizza. 


Would I recommend this diet? 
Yes. At two weeks, I am by no means an expert. I have at least 50 lbs to lose. Ideally more like 70. It can be overwhelming to think about all of the time it would take to lose the weight. At the recommended 2 lbs a week, that's close to a year. With OptiFast it will hopefully go by faster. If I'm truly lucky, I'll spend 3-4 months on this diet and then go into maintenance mode. 


If you're hesitant... 

How can you resist a meal in a juice box? 

If you aren't sure you can do it, give yourself two weeks. Commit yourself to two weeks of giving it all you can. If the best you can do is 75%, give 75%. Of course it will be hard at first. Any cut in calories is hard. In two weeks you can give your body a chance to adapt. You can see if the results are worth it to you. You can give yourself a real chance before determining that you're beyond help. Before I started this program, I thought I was a hopeless case that wasn't capable of losing a single pound. Who knows where I'll end up, but at least I have optimism now. 

I wish everyday could be like today.

I woke up groggy and from a dead sleep, which has been happening since the diet. Lack of calories certainly can make a person tired. The entire day, though, I didn't lack energy. I wasn't hungry. I wasn't depressed or missing food. 


Got a manicure/pedicure and saw my Psychologist. I am not in therapy, but I went in to get some testing done. I definitely have A.D.D. symptoms and wanted to figure out what's going on in my brain. The A.D.D. is a possibility and I will be seeing a Psychiatrist or my M.D. about it, but I made certain to ask him about my food problems. I told him I've had some serious bouts of depression lately. Is it the drug (food) that I'm missing? Or was food masking the symptoms of whatever else was going on in my brain. Of course he couldn't give me an answer to solve my problems, but he told me to focus on the things I can do instead of the things I can't. Focus on the pounds lost or getting involved in activities that I'd enjoy. Distract, distract, distract. 


A friend and I walked over to the new mall in Santa Monica that's just a few blocks away from my house. I assured him it's okay to eat in front of me and we sat in the food court while he ate Persian food and I munched on my Control Bar. While Persian is one of my favorite foods, there was no temptation. No misery. "C'est la vie." It is what it is. 


I can't say that this diet is easy. What do I do now that I'm not spending all of my time and money to procure a tasty snack? I'm going to have to think of some new hobbies. Ones that involve physical activity (despite my deep hatred of such things) would be ideal. 


Yesterday, I didn't even have the energy to put on makeup or go anywhere. I couldn't even convince myself to go to Starbucks for an iced coffee and a good journaling session. I napped for a few hours, just for lack of energy. Today on the other hand, I felt good. The thing we have to remember is that there are ups and there are downs. After it's hard, it will get easier. 


One of the things the Psychologist told me in his diagnoses of my personality is that I give up on things easily. Funny enough, I've yet to be close to quitting this program. I am thankful for my resolve to get this weight off again. 

One week.

I like my OptiFast in red cups. It's like a party 5 times a day. 

First weigh in: 


I went to the doctor's office yesterday to pick up more OptiFast and to get weighed. I expected around a 3 pound loss. Instead, it was -8. The scale scans your body and does a print out of your fat mass, lean body mass, and water. I was -7 lbs in the water department and -1.4 lbs in fat. They told me that water = muscle. Losing muscle seems counterproductive, but they assured me it's normal.


Of course I took to Google to find the answers and the things I found were that low calorie diets, low carb diets, low protein, and no resistance training can all lead to muscle loss. I have all of that going for me. The doctor's assistant told me they'd see where I was at next week, and if the muscle loss continues, my diet will be modified. 


On one hand, I'm totally happy to have seen the results. My previous diet attempts gave me no progress at all. I thought something was wrong with me, that I could never lose weight, and I'd have to live with this extra 50 lbs forever. Now I have more hope that that isn't the case. 


The day before I went in for my update, I was experiencing some pretty bad depression. I wanted to quit the diet because I missed food. I wasn't on the verge of binging or eating something off the diet or even an extra bar or shake. I wasn't even craving anything in particular. I just missed food. 


It made me think a lot about food addiction and just how strong it can be. I know I need to stick to the diet. I knew it was working, I just missed food. Food was my friend. I figured that alcoholics and drug addicts must have the same feelings. Funny enough, I'm in a better place than they are. In a few months, I will be eating again. Hell, in 3 weeks I'll be having a weekend vacation where I'll be off the program. It's not like I will never eat again. Unlike drug addicts or boozehounds, I don't have to give up my drug entirely. 


It's still a struggle. I'm low energy today, not feeling my best. On the bright side, I feel like I'm on the right track and that's a first in a very long time. 

Food Addiction.

I can say without a doubt that I'm a food addict. The only reason I gained weight after a huge loss of 125 lbs a few years ago is because I snack. And snack. I choose carbs instead of emotions or hobbies. I'd rather eat than do most things. 


With that being said, I am not someone that eats a ton of processed junk food. I don't like fast food. I'm a bit of a gourmand, so give me some artisan bread and butter, sprinkle it with sea salt and I'm in heaven. I don't have a huge sweet tooth, despite the fact that I adore baking and people continuously tell me to open a bakery. Starch is my friend. 


The only reason that OptiFast appealed to me in the first place is knowing that I snack for no reason. Rice crackers from the Japanese market, cheese and crackers, pretzels, sushi, and an assortment of other mini meals that aren't at meal time. Fortunately for me, I can't eat a lot of food at one time. I get full quickly. It's the grazing and endless snacking that's killing me. 


The idea behind OptiFast is to make no food choices. You have x amount of shakes and bars to consume in a day and that's that. It's rather simple in its concept, but a little more difficult in execution. I love food. I miss food. 


It's been four full days of doing the program 100%. No cheating, not even an extra bar or shake. I'm avoiding the scale, so I don't know if anything is happening. Trying to wait until I go back into the doctor every week for official weigh ins. 


It's definitely getting easier. Most of the time, it doesn't bug me that I'm not eating. Sure, I wouldn't mind a great meal, but I'm not sitting here dying to eat. I'm not trying to convince myself that being fat isn't so bad. I can't say how long I can stay on the diet. Ideally, I can stick it out until I get the 50 lbs off, then graduate on to real food. Healthy food without all the snacking. That's the goal. 

Fat people take pictures of the things they make. 

Plenty more where these came from.